We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
To be honest, when I saw that word “God” in the 3rd step of my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting, I instantly thought about this religious figure. This almighty person that was perched in the sky, looking over all of us, watching every single thing we did. You have every right to view God in this fashion, it’s your right to do so. That just didn’t really work for me.
I was so focused on that word, and all the preconceived notions surrounding it due to tons of conditioning, that I never truly read the whole sentence. If I did, I would have noticed that right after the word God is “as we understood Him”. This means, we have the right to view God, interpret God, and pray to the God, of our own understanding. This changed my life, because up until that point, I had no relationship with the God I had been told about for so many years.
Then, when I looked at the 2nd step and really internalized that a “Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”, that’s when it all made sense. My God didn’t have to be called God, I just had to believe in something greater than myself, a power greater than myself. And looking back on that moment when I decided I couldn’t live the way I was living anymore, when I decided to surrender, I realized what happened. That was the moment when I decided to listen to the Power that was greater than myself and get help. The Power that showed up that day, was always there, but I chose not to listen for so long. I finally decided to listen to that voice. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him; who I chose to call my Higher Power.
I thank my Higher Power every morning and night for another day on this earth. I truly believe with all of my heart, if I didn’t listen to it then, I wouldn’t be here today.